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Reflections on a year – The year’s end often calls for a time of self-reflection. For some of us, the year has not been easy. Health issues, job insecurity, relationship endings, and family concerns have all played a part in sustaining a reasonably high level of anxiety and unease. Within the innumerable roles we play in life, we do our best to preserve a standard. Expectations from those we love and work with may pale in comparison to the expectations we place upon our self. Senses of “do more,” “be more”, “have more” and finally, to “become more” show up in our thoughts, and as the year draws to a close, we reflect. Measuring success in terms of our accomplishments can sometimes be harsh.

Everyone is familiar with the feeling of anxiety. It is a clever emotion as it encourages us to believe that we do not, and will not, have what it takes to navigate tough circumstances and discover satisfactory outcomes. Although anxiety’s main purpose may be to keep us safe and warn us of imminent danger, becoming too anxious can mean it is difficult to think clearly, or to explore new options and come up with good ideas. Anxiety’s presence can also disrupt our sense of self-efficacy and hinder our personal judgement.  Our imagination can run amok as unease scrambles around in our logical mind.

During stressful times, we may find our self overly reacting to another person’s behaviour, a practice that is less apparent when we feel in more control of our life. Anxiety gives us permission to focus on what we believe other people are doing wrong. We become absorbed in it, and may come up with unsolicited advice in order to ‘fix or help these people”. Keep in mind that blaming, gossiping, distancing, under-functioning, and over-functioning, are all normal expressions of anxiety. The challenge is to observe, reflect, and modify our part in the relational dramas that are causing our unease. (Lerner, H. 2004) This is not an easy task.

When the signs of nervousness hit, we need to take time out to calm down. While it does feel comfortable to return to the old and familiar ways of being, we must remind ourselves that transformation is possible. Research frequently demonstrates that right throughout our lives, our brains are quite adaptable, so we must constantly work to cultivate a less anxious lifestyle. Change such as this will transfer into a more caring approach towards our self and others.

So, what if we were to allocate the next month to reflect upon our needs and desires with the intent to enrich ourselves?  For example, simply considering: which space offers me most peace? What experience best fulfils my senses? What connection provides the most reliable avenue to connect with my laughter and joy?  How could you allocate more time to rest? More time to meditate, to reflect and to feel gratitude for your day? Giving ourselves permission to think about ‘our needs’ is a different experience for many busy people today.

When we permit ourselves to observe our everyday patterns and beliefs, we discover the traps that entice us toward acting out the behaviours of people who live with anxiety and fear. If we were to consider that these thoughts and patterns are not useful, it may be time to let them go, to reconsider what would be healthier for our mind and spirit, and to open the door for positive experiences and happier times to emerge.

Can you recall who you turn to when things are tough and you need a genuine friend? Does this person empower you to gain a sense of calm and confidence? For some of us, it can be a professional someone who has no self-seeking agenda in our life. For others, it may be a special friend, a partner or simply a person we admire and trust. It is vitally important to surround ourselves with good people, positive, kind and gentle individuals who bring out the very best in us.  Such connections are truly powerful.

We all face the challenge of living well. This intention demands our full attention. Remaining loyal to our sense of optimism and courage allows us to keep the faith in times of uncertainty. Reflecting on fragments of our day, the parts where we felt content with the way we handled something, is possibly the wisest and most practical way we can disarm stress. Seek out a mentor, an encourager, a wise council and one who would dare to tell the truth, as this idea comes with an additional bonus.  An undeniable connection to your personal and peaceful heart.

Happy Christmas everyone.

Yours in Therapy,

Jill Bayly.

References.

Lerner, H.,( 2004), Fear and Other Uninvited Guests.Harper Collins. N.Y: U.S.A.