Individuality: The Oxford dictionary defines ‘Individuality’ as “the quality or character of a particular person or thing that distinguishes them from others of the same kind.” Amongst the people you know, who would you describe as being an individual?

Do you believe you are a person who has the courage to maintain a sense of individuality, distinctiveness and personal style? Or do you adhere to pressure and bow down to the demands of fitting in to social expectations, norms and standards of today’s dress culture and accepted behavioural methods?

In terms of appearance, we are surrounded by uniformity and sameness. Men often appear fixated on looking tattooed, buffed and musclebound. Women share identical hairstyles, cosmetic enhancements, makeup and colours. Women’s shoes and apparel, once worn proudly as original and well-designed fashion statements, now frequently imitate styles belonging to a highly favoured sports star, film or media personality.

TV personalities, most of similar appearance, present the impression they are obliged to follow a fashion style, for fear of not ‘fitting in’ and losing credibility as advisors within the community. Perhaps we have all grown accustomed to ‘uniformity’ and lost sight of our individuality, our right to express who we really are and our freedom. While it is essential to maintain a healthy regime, becoming overly obsessed with appearance and the compulsive need to fit in, will exact a toll on other things in life.

Did we all agree to substitute our power of independent choice for passive acquiescence? Does this superficial compliance move in to our life without warning? Sustained compliance practice creates insecurity, uncertainty and anxiety. We begin to doubt ourselves and fail to acknowledge the skills we have acquired to successfully manage our lives. Foregoing individuality means that people are unaware of their competence and worthiness. They do not recognise their own strength and ability.

We look at a world today with a focus on self-centredness and self-entitlement. How do you feel about the manners and respectfulness demonstrated today? Do you agree to the idea of retaliation? One upmanship? Ongoing competitiveness? Or do you prefer to live your life with kindness and compassion? What if we all took time to step back and reassess our values and beliefs?  It is possible to create significant change if we were to all play our part. Individualism means standing up for what we believe is right, regardless of the social or personal implications.

Even though it is important to respect the opinions of others, it is also paramount to maintain our own perspective and integrity. Trading off our right to speak out about things that matter, giving in to uniformity for the sake of attaining an acceptable appearance and substituting our values for the philosophy of others, promotes a false belief. Allowing someone else to determine how we will look, act and feel, implies that we have given up our own ideas, feelings and thoughts in exchange for how others believe we should be. The desire for constant approval can hold us back from realising our potential and greatly diminish our capacity to achieve real success.

Too much independence presents a challenge as well. We must learn to develop healthy interdependence as a part of our livelihood. Interdependence allows us to enjoy other people’s care and encouragement, while we expand our personal autonomy and develop the capacity to be the person we aspire to be.

Well known author Dr Harriot Lerner (1989, pp. 32-24) explains the Three Selves.

Selfless: people who always put others first with little regard for their own need.

Selfish: People who never consider others and constantly seeking personal gratification.

Selfhood:  People who care about but are not controlled by or invested in how other people respond to them. People who communicate a clear sense of self and can demonstrate healthy behaviour and solid boundaries when relating to others.

Are you brave enough to live an individual life? Every person has been gifted with many diverse qualities and a unique personality. Yet we permit ourselves to become a part of dull collective thinking, or we adopt a socially acceptable type of “physical appearance” in order to belong to a justifiable, familiar cultural norm. Somehow the essence of individuality and uniqueness becomes lost in a sea of predictable behaviours, we can then lose our independence and our solid sense of self is diminished.

Tapping into and strengthening existing skills is at the heart of a prosperous life. If you would like to improve your potential, create embedded change, increase confidence and develop as a truly successful individual, step out of sameness, look to your future and realise a sense of joy. Take a risk, practice individuality and in so doing, rejoice in the certainty of your peaceful heart.

Yours in Therapy,

Jill Bayly.

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References.

Lerner, H., (1989). The Dance of Intimacy. NY: Harper Row.

“Individuality.” The Oxford English Dictionary.  11th ed. 2008. Print.