Living Authentically.

Responding to life’s ups and downs can mean experiencing daily challenges and enjoying magic moments, often simultaneously.  I am often inspired by the words of my clients. One phrase that comes to mind is, “I would like some help in getting back to my authentic self, as I feel I have lost touch with who I am.” Throughout these times, we often act and speak unskilfully, we become victims of emotional chaos and find ourselves believing our choices are limited. When we disengage from our true nature; the essence of our character, we may fail to recall how to uphold a strong sense of self. Nevertheless, our authentic self will always attempt to call us back home.

Conceivably, we all wander away from who we are at times, we can lose touch with our sense of personal agency and choose to deliberately meander through unfamiliar, albeit temporary, ways of being.  It is critical to regularly scrutinize our habits and be very honest in our appraisal. Are these habits working to endorse the life we believe is right for us? Do they support the authentic self we desire? When a habit or pattern is well developed, it becomes our implicit behaviour.

We are wise to be aware of the fact that the people with whom we spend our time, directly impact and influence our ability to view the world positively. Hostile environments and negative stimuli, often produce unhealthy thinking and create a lack of confidence. A renewed way of life can definitely assist to change our ideas and assumptions, by systematically changing one behaviour at a time, we can influence innumerable actions. This in turn translates to a greater sense of peace, additional harmony and a reduced amount of restlessness within our individual lifeforce.

Whatever we think about, worry about, talk about or pay attention to will grow. Accordingly, being mindful of a steady focus on a joyful sense of self, assists us to invite qualities like support, encouragement, hope and well-being into our life. These attributes endorse inner strength and make it more difficult for vulnerable and insecure traits to reveal themselves when other people say and do unkind things.

Standing up for our principles in an assertive manner allows us to become familiar with our own complexity. We see ‘our part’ in challenging situations and in uncomfortable disputes and struggles. Consequently, this insight assists us to detach from the need to disapprove of others, we come to accept people for who they choose to be. Rather than how we would prefer them to be. This action alone provides a space for us to remain close to our authentic self.

Authenticity invites us to look closely at our values and principles. What do we stand for and believe in? How do we demonstrate these values to the people around us? Do we speak up for things that matter in our lives? It pays dividends when we are able to review these questions often and ask ourselves what might need to change and which areas could use some attention.

Here are some ideas for revising the commitment to living authentically. (Source: Jack Canfield and Jacqueline Miller)

  • Tell my truth, let myself and others know what my truth is.
  • Be aware that I am always choosing and accept responsibility without blame for everything happening in my life.
  • Give up blame, postpone judgement, listen and understand before defending or attacking and making others wrong.
  • Envision my ideal self. Keep in mind I am choosing the way I want to be.
  • Be in touch with my body. Listen for ever present clues.
  • Question my limiting beliefs. I am aware that any time I tell myself I cannot do something, I am right.
  • Treat my growth and myself with respect and patience, rather than irritation and judgement.

It can be fun to create a clear picture of what you want for the future by creating a vison board or designing a dream sheet. Once completed, sharing your board with someone you trust, confirms and validates your commitment to living on purpose and walking your talk. When what we say, and what we do are in alignment, we live in harmony with our authentic self and we are well on the way to living with our peaceful heart.

Yours in therapy,

Jill Bayly.

References.

Canfield, Jack. & Miller, J., (1998) Heart at Work. McGraw- Hill. USA.

Dowrick, S., (2005) Choosing Happiness. Life and Soul Essentials. Allen& Unwin:  Australia.