Being Vulnerable

Interesting how most people shy away from the idea of showing any signs of vulnerability. Perhaps because we grow up in a culture where being seen by others as emotionally strong is anticipated, more often expected. Marketing advertisements expose the importance of words such as “soldier on under duress,” even when our bodies are calling on us to take a well-deserved mental health break. Being vulnerable is not an option in our world. As a result, we learn to mask our fragility and push away our authenticity and truthfulness.

Most people, given a certain time to experience life’s ups and downs, will have come face to face with rejection, criticism, and heartbreak. And quite frankly, who wants more of that experience? So we deliberately go out of our way to avoid situations that could cause emotional pain. In fact, it is common to hear people say things such as “Not me, I will never fall in love again”, or “Well I won’t be letting anybody get that close to me in the future”, or “I have decided to never trust anybody again” and often, “I certainly won’t let them see me this emotional”. However, when we make choices to avoid painful situations in our future, we also make a choice to stunt our growth and prevent any opportunity for real learning to take place.

Being vulnerable means we are human — opening ourselves up to possible disapproval from people we respect is not easy. Nonetheless admitting that no, we are not fine and yes, we could use some help and support is excellent practice in constructing a healthy life and establishing dependable self-worth. Exploring what it is deep inside that makes us feel cautious or concerned is far more productive than avoiding it. Once identified, we have the power to discover the many creative options available to us.

Practising mindful vulnerability means that we learn to adopt new ways of communicating our feelings and concerns. We learn to share our honesty, which in turn, invites other people to do the same. We become more capable of trusting our own decisions and decide not to overthink or dramatise situations. We begin to trust our own senses and become less likely to be influenced by the opinions of other people. Furthermore, we allow ourselves to ‘Feel the fear and do it anyway’ as the author Susan Jefferers (1987), so skilfully shared in her book of the same name.

So how do we allow ourselves to step into the space of vulnerability? I often contemplate how much easier would life become if we could take more risks and stop ourselves from imagining such dreaded outcomes. Ask yourself, “What is the worst thing that can happen if I do this”? One way may be by being keen to try new experiences and ready to detach from taking things so personally. Many times, the thought of something is far greater than its actuality. We can also remain curious as to a potential outcome, rather than deciding on how situations “possibly will” turn out. We can agree to be open and flexible when opportunities come along. Furthermore, we can invest in options and not become drawn into old patterns of behaving.

Perhaps a part of our growth journey is to remove all the stories in our head that tell us not to let ourselves be seen for who we really are. We often move away from ourselves when what we need to be doing is moving closer. We must stop empowering everyone else’s voice above our own. In essence, must learn to value our own voice above all others.

As we learn to respond to concerns without returning to a place of social conformity or personal insecurity, interesting experiences open up and life offers us a chance to appreciate life from a broader perspective. If we don’t allow ourselves to feel vulnerable, we may miss out on the joys of connectedness and trust, possibly our deepest sense of knowing. So, what are you missing out on?

Remember that most of the things we worry about never happen. Therefore, start today and allow yourself some time to practise. Offer a space whereby it is possible for your vulnerability to speak to you. Listen to what it has to say. It may well be that your vulnerability is trying to connect with you.

Will you give yourself permission to move a little closer to your peaceful heart?

Yours in Therapy,

Jill Bayly.