What is a harmful habit? Definition from the Free Dictionary on line states, “Of a kind, likely to be damaging”. “A recurrent, often unconscious pattern of behaviour that is acquired through frequent repetition”. Detrimental patterns of behaviour or habits can influence and define our existence.  Habits guide the way we live, consequently it is vital to be attentive. “Nothing records the effects of a sad life so graphically as the human body.” Naguib Mahfouz. (AZ quotes.)

Once habits and patterns move into our life, sometimes without cognizant approval, they hang around creating a sense of comfort. Of course not all habits are unhealthy, in fact, healthy habits can greatly improve the state of our lives. However for the purpose of this blog, we shall focus on the habit as one that has come to be harmful.

Unhealthy habits can result in unhappy lives. We find it difficult to fall asleep and reach for a sleeping aid. We react badly if someone infers we are in the wrong. We have one, two or three drinks after work and tell ourselves it’s the way to relax.  We move onto the computer after dinner and neglect to spend precious time with our family. We commit to eating a healthier diet, then find ourselves grabbing fast food at lunch time. Unhealthy habit’s convincing power has gained control and is now running the show.

Lurking below the surface of unhealthy habits may lie deeper, more intense consequences of harm. For example; patterns of engaging in relationships with people who are manipulative, hostile or narcissistic. Committing to partners who are physically and emotionally unavailable. Rescuing people who are capable of looking after themselves.  Harmful patterns become downright addictive and permit any purposeful distraction to disguise extreme sadness.

Many people are unwilling to recognise an unhealthy habit until repetition permits circumstances to become completely unbearable. Some argue in favour of a pattern which is causing their life to slowly break down. Familiar phrases like, “Well I am not as bad as Mary, you should see what happens there” Or “I could stop drinking today, but I won’t because I like it” or “This is a popular drug and everyone my age takes it”. People resist when challenged and may even defend their habit. A huge demographic of people will have at least one unwholesome habit they hide and protect.

Any purposeful distraction has potential to become unhealthy. Gossiping, shopping, spending, eating, drinking, smoking, internet dating, social media, gambling, cosmetic surgery and many more.  Why? Because owning up to and taking responsibility for unhappiness, is hard to do.

Yet all is not lost. Once we become aware of themes that appear when we are not facing deeper emotions, or caring for personal necessities, we become open and clear.  Awareness researchers in the field of Neuroscience have found that it takes at least five components to replace a habit or generate a new behaviour. The five components are, a reason, a trigger, a micro habit, effective practice and a plan. (Bunray Stanier. M., pg. 18. 2016)

Try these ideas if you notice resistance.

Name the habit, preferably in one or two words. This allows for clarity and the opportunity to face resistance with more precision. For example: “I have a problem with prescription drugs.”

Answer the question, “What am I avoiding?

Check in and ask yourself “What do I want?” Be specific. “I want a drug free life.”

Understand your triggers. Discover what, where and how your triggers occur and learn creative skills to counterbalance this.

Set your intention. Condense your preference into one sentence.  “I intend to stop binge drinking in the evening.” This intention enables a new goal to be set, based upon your priorities.

What is the challenge for me here?  Your response will define any stumbling block that may occur when moving forward.

Make it personal. Tell yourself the truth. Face the issue.

What capabilities must be in place? What resources will you need now and what time frame is involved?

What management system is required? What plan is required and who might you ask for help or support?

What will you say no to? This is a powerful question as it contains the core of your accountability. Time to get real.

The basics are covered. The steps are in place. Time to take action. In short you are taking responsibility. Kick start your challenge and book a coaching appointment today. It is truly gratifying to support you, to help you find your peaceful heart.

Yours in therapy, Jill Bayly

References;

Desai, P., (2014) Discovering Your Soul Purpose. Spiegel and Grau. Random House, U.K.

http://www.azquotes.com/author/9294-Naguib_Mahfouz

Stanier, M.B., (2016) The Coaching Habit. Box of crayons. Toronto Canada.

www.thefreedictionary.com/habits.