To introduce positive  long term change and achieve the results we are capable of, we need to profoundly review how we think about ourselves and others. Simply changing how we act alone, can be unproductive. In view of that, how do capable people improve? Habitually with practice! From musicians and executives to physicians and therapists, aspiring professionals rely on deliberate practice to attain expertise. (Bungay Stanier. (2016)

However, knowing what to practice does not guarantee that we will actually do it. We forget our intentions. We become tired, even depleted, and allow our discipline to weaken. Can you recall a time where you were not the patient, compassionate problem solver you consider yourself to be? Do you feel surprised at the amount of irritation you often sense in the presence of certain people? Or akin to my experience, does your temper rapidly increase from zero to ninety when other drivers cut you off in traffic? Intentional change is hard, no matter how urgent or clear the need.

Coaching expert, Marshall Goldsmith explains, “Our reactions don’t occur in a vacuum. They are usually the result of unappreciated triggers in our environment. These triggers are constant, relentless and omnipresent. People and situations lure us into behaving in a manner diametrically opposed to the colleague, partner, parent, or friend we imagine ourselves to be.”

Becoming more consciously aware helps to expand our prospects, all of which impacts directly on the fruition of our future. This in turn supports growth and the practice of new and innovative behaviour.  There is a great deal of research available on techniques to help people change, along with methods in which to measure that change. However, in the interests of change in this blog, we shall focus on the practice of Solution Focused (S.F.) coaching.

S.F. Coaching is valued today as one of the pathways to success. Apart from the advantage of providing a capacity for individual learning, S.F. coaching helps people to become consciously competent by maximising their potential. Professional conversations may be quite structured, which distinguishes S.F. coaching from other kinds of support. Solution Focused coaching seeks to generate change and stimulate confidence. Until we become consciously aware of impediments that hinder our progress, how do we actively encourage change? Not all change is visible.

Change normally falls into two categories, emotional change (internal), this involves how we feel about things. For example, we want to overcome being constantly frustrated about someone’s behaviour, we want to gain more confidence, we want to rid our habit of self-sabotage, etc. In addition, a more tangible way reveals active change (external), such as the desire to quit drinking as much, change our eating habits, quit a job we don’t like and pursue a career with meaning. Or become less reactive at home and stop arguing. (Robbins. 1991).

Technological change has isolated us from a supportive interpersonal network. For instance, the refuge of a lifelong career is almost redundant and the world’s increasing isolation becomes more apparent, as our traditional community life slowly disappears. Given the risk of isolation, it makes sense to embrace and connect with the prospect of supportive relationships, in both community and our professional life.  “If we need to learn about emotional generosity, there are people who can teach us and people who can help us learn” (Weis, 2011)

Embracing a coaching experience begins by paying attention to areas in our life that normally we don’t. Inviting a supportive partner to help encourages us to think more perceptively. We become attuned with what it is we really want. SF coaching helps you learn, rather than persuade you to follow a formula.  S.F coaching empowers you to tap into your innate skills and initiative and create your own purpose.

In our culture, we often think of help as something we come to accept reluctantly, and only when we need it. These ideas are even more inflated when it comes to seeing a professional for support. Yet current research shows that seeking help more than pays for itself. Talking about what is concerning you with someone who is qualified and cares for you, far outweighs the initial cost. Your overall health improves which stimulates growth on a number of levels.

Nothing is more surprising than the rise of the new within ourselves. We do not foresee or observe its growth. The new being is born in us, just when we least believe in it. It appears in remote corners of our souls which have been neglected for a long time. It opens deep levels of our personality which had been shut out by old decisions and old exclusions. It shows a way where there was no way before. The new which we sought and longed for, comes to us in the moment in which we lose hope of ever finding it. (Paul Tillich., 1969)

As a SF coach and therapist, I aspire to encourage people to be more themselves. People come to therapy and coaching with admirably attained skills.  Together we must honour the expertise these gifts bring to their own lives. All through the therapy sessions we develop a broad capacity to sustain a myriad of experiences. My task as a therapist, is to listen, to question, and to inspire each person, to find and rejoice in their peaceful heart.

Yours in Therapy,

Jill Bayly.

References.

Bungay Stanier, M.,(2016) The Coaching Habit. Box of Crayons Press. Canada.

Hook, P., Mc Vail. I., & Vass, A., (2006) Coaching and Reflecting.  Laurel House. Hampshire. U.K.

Robbins, A., (1991). Notes from a Friend. Fireside. Rockefeller Centre N.Y.

Tillich, P., (1969) The Shaking of the Foundation. Penguin. N.Y.

Weis, A. G., (2011) Change happens. Rowman & Littlefield Publishers. U.K.

http://www.marshallgoldsmith.com/coaching/

https://www.brainyquote.com/authors/albert_schweitzer