Throughout my youth, freedom of choice was a rare treat, one I did not experience very often. Family, teachers and adults decided and voiced where what and how any duties were to be achieved. In spite of this, I always believed that personal choice was one of the very best aspects we could have in our life. Freedom of choice seemed to be far more important and certainly more gratifying, than most other things that I experienced.

Years later, for me anyhow, nothing has changed. The liberty to make our own choices, coupled with the capacity to live in alignment with the values we hold dear, is truly priceless. Freedom of choice is one in which countless people right across the universal globe, would trade almost anything to experience. Even for just one day.

A significant portion of people’s daily life is opting for choices without giving them too much thought. While some options may have a purpose or intention, others bring with them extremely challenging consequences. Minute by minute we choose what we think and feel. We interpret our thoughts via the blueprint of our native background. This familiarity habitually determines how we respond and consequently behave.

World-renowned psychiatrist, Dr William Glasser, explains, “We choose everything we do, including the misery we feel.  Many would argue with Glasser’s theory, asking, “who would actually choose to be miserable as a part of life”? As testing as this concept may appear to be, perhaps we are far more in control of our lives than we realize. Nevertheless, people, in general, define their reality in a way that works best for them.

As adults, we grew to believe that putting other people’s needs first was of central importance. Both women and men understood it was a mark of respect to ‘fit in’ and be ‘compliant’, or rush to people’s sides whenever they called. While this idea may at times be seemly, practising the belief on a continual basis can inevitably lead to frustration, self-doubt and insecurity.

We may all appreciate that there is no power in victimhood; choices such as these will ultimately destroy any chance of happy, healthy and loving relationships. “Most of us grew up speaking a language that encourages us to label, compare, demand and pronounce judgments rather than choosing to be aware of what we are feeling and needing” Rosenberg, M., (2015).

A thought-provoking emotional choice, for example, is anger. Created in haste, anger is chiefly a result of our feeling compromised in some way. Possibly, we have not expressed our needs in a manner that helps other people to understand us.  Sacrificing the self to appease others never brings joy to our lives and often results in feelings of irritation and resentment, nudging us further into a game of judging, labelling and blaming others, instead of looking at our part in the unrest.

Competitive choices do very little to transport connection and contentment to our lives. Many will agree that the experiences throughout our childhood may have not empowered this proficiency. Over time, we may find ourselves becoming more educated, more insightful and more aware of the transformative improvements that have necessitated and demanded profound change. Therefore, speaking clearly to others about our core needs is a wise choice.

We live in a country where choices are plentiful. It is important then to be mindful of honouring and safeguarding our celebrated luxuries and never take them for granted. However, life, as we know it today, may not be the same for our grandchildren. Consider choices with astuteness, bravery and courage. Wise choices help to create a nonviolent life.  Never before has this been more significant.

How do you feel about freedom of choice? Conceivably, it may be wise to rethink. Is it time to examine our food choices? Reflect on views regarding world conservation. Revisit the advantage of a new career. Make time to complete tasks we agreed to. Would a relationship benefit from more consideration? Perhaps we could forgive someone who really hurt us. Alternatively, it may be time to be brave and invite a friend to join in that difficult conversation. You know the one we have long been avoiding. Choices always demand awareness, in every sector of our life.

So, tell me, would you be willing to review your personal choices? If so, your determination will create an indispensable space, allowing you to become more at ease with your peaceful and sincere heart.

Yours in therapy,

Jill Bayly.    

References

Hendricks G. & K. (1990) Conscious Loving. Bantam: USA.

Glasser, W. (2011) Take Charge of Your Life. Universe Inc.: USA.

Rosenberg, M, (2015) Nonviolent Communication. Puddle Dancer Press. USA.