There is virtually nothing more appealing to human beings than the capacity to express and receive genuine appreciation. Expressing thanks by means of a few simple and sincere words offers most people a sense of joy and the feeling of being valued. In fact, it can literally be quite life changing. Yet how often do we stop and share our appreciation with those who so willingly give so much of themselves?  And why do we find it hard to share our gratitude with people who really deserve this?  How often do we simply toss out a single “thanks” without revealing a deeper message as to why that person is worthy of this distinction? Appreciation is a gift, one where both men and women alike, understand its true value.

However, appreciation is not solely expressed through words. A gift of time, a handpicked bunch of flowers, a thoughtful text, a ticket to a show, an email to a small business whose staff can demonstrate excellence in customer service, or a shared cup of hot morning coffee etc.  These small tokens all represent appreciation and can lift our spirits and brighten our days.

We may never know what goes on in the lives of other people, even those who are close to us. Some face incredible hardships but are too proud to mention their state of affairs to anyone. Others are dealing with a family crisis or an emotional breakdown. Most people need some kind of reassurance.  We want more than anything to be accepted and respected for who we are. Yet how many times, when invited for a home cooked meal, do we hear a comment such as” Did you buy too much food this week?” Or on receiving a hand me down gift, “Gee! Aren’t you ever going stop buying things?”  While I seriously doubt that people mean to say hurtful things, downplaying someone’s attempt to provide something special is most insensitive. A genuine thank you is often all that is needed.

Practically everyone we meet can recall a time when someone, maybe even a stranger, shared some kind words, words that made a huge a difference in that particular moment. A gift of appreciation on a day when things appear as though they couldn’t be worse, becomes a gift of love, something we never forget.

All too often we neglect to say the things we feel. We may think about it, but with our busy schedules we forget to share appreciation, thus dismissing the joy that someone has chosen to pass on to us. The thanks we give and the thanks we share hold some of life’s greatest meaning. Everyone loves to recall a story about a time when they were truly honoured by someone’s kindness. We remember the words that were spoken, the phrases used, the manner in which they were said and the time and place this occurred. Being valued and appreciated lingers in our memory and remains in our heart.

Appreciation connects us, not just to others, but also to the deepest part of ourselves. We can express this through tolerance, compassion and selflessness. Slowing down and taking time to think, we remember the happy person who sells us our morning coffee, the person at the office who drove out of their way to take us home when we needed a lift, the friend who dropped in some fresh vegetable soup when we were sick, the bunch of flowers sitting on the doorstep when our relationship was in crisis, the kind lady who moves to our home to look after our pets when we go away. Nothing influences our day more profoundly than appreciation.  Appreciating generously means that no one is left out.

Perhaps it is time to do better as humans. A shift in attitude begins with us: cultivating a deep appreciation for life, being real and available with self and others. Preserving a willingness to share a generous, loving heart to those who have made our day a little less stressful is liberating. Daily intention and practice then becomes the essence of true happiness. We allow ourselves to be aware of the vibrant greens as seasons come and go. We notice the amazing sunset and the peacefulness that surrounds the ocean as we venture out on our daily walk. We observe how someone may have changed their hairstyle, or chosen to wear brighter colours, and how the lady on reception speaks so beautifully to people on your behalf. We become aware of the life around us.

The world opens up to us as we become less anxious, less worried and less focused on impossible problems. Look around!  Is there someone who could use a kind word or a small gesture of appreciation from you?  Perhaps it is time to notice the things you have been missing, and guess what? When we observe and share joy, we cannot keep it from ourselves. Maybe it is time to look for and seek out your peaceful heart.

Yours in Therapy

Jill Bayly