What happens to make us lose our self-confidence? Do we simply lose our confidence or perhaps self-effacingly, give it away? While many of us appreciate we are not perfect and understand that, slip-ups often lead to valuable and useful lessons. We also learn how simple mistakes and random insults undermine and rattle our self-assurance. Honouring and protecting our self-confidence isn’t easy. Speaking up and sharing differences puts us at risk of incurring the disapproval of people we care about.

When someone we love or respect continually judges us, or critiques and disagrees with things we do and say, we begin to doubt our own competence and perspective. We become unsure and cautious, even fearful. This approach invites others to define how we should be and act. We start to believe that other people are smarter, wiser and more accurate than we are.

Throughout society, we are forever bombarded with communication stimuli to change or improve ourselves. All kinds of messages specify how we must strive to be better mothers, fathers, passionate life partners, or to do better in balancing work and home life, willingly change our habits, move up in our job, or lose a few extra kilos.
However, it might be worth considering who is advocating for these changes and whose agenda is being upheld by suggesting we are not OK just as we are. If we repeatedly work hard to maintain the acceptance of those around, we abandon important personal lessons and instead opt for the position of putting our own needs last.

Many people bolster their self-confidence by taking on the responsibility of assuming power and control over another person’s state and wellbeing. These people need us to be a certain way for their own sake. It does not occur to them that helping people to help themselves turns out to be far healthier, influential and long lasting. Every time we allow someone to undermine our character and weaken our identity, we are joining with them to dislodge our self-regard and thereby shake our confidence.

A noticeable consequence of passing our power over to other people is that we lose our independence and faith in our ability to figure things out through practical experience. With hard work and deep introspection, we can learn to hold ground and stand up for our beliefs and values and thus avoid the suffering that comes with ignoring our own needs and desires. Belief and trust in our personal ability translates to recognising our true potential to become our best self.

Similarly, if we can identify our own coping style, modify our part in dealing with conflict or criticism, feel okay about sharing our strengths and vulnerabilities, we will have moved forward into the zone of confidence and self-assuredness.

The more we pay attention to ways that our confidence can be weakened, the more calmly and clearly we will navigate the options toward maintaining resourcefulness and generating emotional courage. The amount of ‘self’ we bring to any relationship will reveal to others how we are espousing a confident, responsible approach in our own life and addressing important issues as they arise.

While it feels comfortable to enjoy a special closeness with people who share similar values, interests and beliefs, we must keep in mind that differences are how we learn. Accepting differences in other people allows us to embrace the fact that people who push our buttons can sometimes be beneficial. Learning to become less reactive is a healthy way to keep a strong hold on your confidence, resilience and courage.

When we recognise and accept what constitutes a loss of self-assurance, we are halfway towards fostering a greater respect and appreciation for renewed self-confidence.
Speak to a life coach today, invest in some interesting and innovative communication techniques to help grow and improve your peaceful heart.

References.
Lerner. H.G, (2004) The Dance of Fear. Harper Collins Publishers, N.Y.
Hendricks. K., & Hendricks. G., (1997) The Conscious Heart. Bantam Books, N.Y. USA.