“No society can understand itself without looking at its shadow side. The question is never why the addiction but why the pain?” Gabor Mate MD (2008) PP.2-34
Recently, a close family member sent a clip on fresh ways to appreciate people with addiction. This clip made me consider how addictive behaviour not only truly disturbs the person affected but impacts on each and every one of us.
While technology is gaining momentum, the importance of our ability to reach out to others, to connect and support people in pain, is becoming severely diminished. The stereotypical image of people who succumb to addiction often reveals heartbroken people, young and old, who struggle on a daily, sometimes hourly basis, to maintain control of their lives. They are people who have lost their families, friends, home and more often their sense of self. They are people who need our support in many ways, but at the forefront of these is our ability to reach out, connect and support.
Addiction by its very nature is embraced as a form of hiding or escapism. We are all experts when it comes to avoidance. Everyone applies a unique method of distraction from painful or uncomfortable situations. Perhaps we could all take ownership of an addiction of some kind. Addiction is not just a powerful force to be managed by people who participate in illegal or prescriptive drugs, alcohol abuse, serious gambling or unhealthy sex. We witness addictive behaviour in people who are violent, cruel to animals, pornography obsessed, fixated on video games and ruthless in acquiring power, fame and status at the expense of all else.
Current research proposes that today’s community interest has detached itself from the idea of connection. Where community values once proudly echoed deep links between their members, the present focus has turned towards competitive environmental issues and plans to develop creative infrastructure. While this focus is laudable, it is accompanied by a loss of desire and ability to connect and support those less fortunate amongst us.
Our prisons contain too many people with serious addiction problems and acute mental illness, yet no help or rehabilitation is offered to assist these people who will at some stage return to live in our community. Rehabilitating people who have lost their way is not high on any political agenda. Yet evidence shows that people power can move mountains and create change. If helping the less fortunate was deemed a core value in our community, the change would impact across the community in reduction of crime, substance abuse, domestic violence and a society less ridden with fear, anxiety, apathy and depression. A return to a ‘conscious people connection’ would empower and benefit everyone.
At what stage did our own value system become so biased that we will only accept people if they ‘reflect our mirror image’? What made us stop loving people for who they really are, particularly if a person is not who we want them to be, or who we believe they should be? Acceptance requires us to break such patterns.
Could you do something each week to randomly show an act of kindness? Has someone who hurt you need forgiveness? Working on our communication skills and enhancing our relationships can be life changing. Not only will it benefit our lives, but it will also have a significant effect on the lives of people who are suffering.
Reach out to somebody who needs help, today. Lend a hand and offer integrity, truth and education to people who have lost their way. Make a clear agreement with friends that they call you in times of need. Encourage your community to stand for ‘People First’. We must all do our part. Let us help each other to discover our peaceful heart.
REFERENCES:
Dupont, R. L., (2000), The Selfish Brain: Learning from Addiction. Centre City: MN. Hazelden
Rogers, C., (1995), On becoming a Person: A therapist’s view of Psychotherapy. Houghton Mifflin: New York
Mate’. Gabor., (2008), In the Realm of Hungry Ghosts; Close Encounters with Addiction. Vintage: Canada.
Shore, A., (1994), Affect Regulation and the Origin of the Self; the Neurobiology of Emotional Development. Lawrence Erlbaum Associates; Hillsdale. NJ.
The Unbounded Spirit.com DVD clip.
Great article Jill. I agree our society would advance if one of our core societal values was to care for those less fortunate, but instead we seem to be embracing the bootstrapper philosophy of Ayn Rand, where it’s up to the individual to succeed and we look down upon anyone who shows any visible sign of need (while conveniently ignoring our own by drowning them in wine every night). We live in a sick society, and addiction is simply one facet of the myriad reflections of that.
Thanks for sharing this Jill. It’s an accurate account of the world we live in. I think we all have varying degrees of addiction, and much of it stems from placing too much importance on material wealth, or achieving what we think is the reflection we want everyone else to see. Our society is sick I agree, and I could type a million and one things that I think contribute to it, but I guess I want to believe it can be fixed if enough people focus in the right direction. Your article reminds me that I can be part of the solution, even if it is a small contribution, by living more thoughtfully, extending an act of kindness, or just in general by appreciating what really matters.