As a young girl, I learned to relish the wisdom, guidance, and company of older women whose lives were shaped by the safety of secure family attachments and loving people. Sadly, for many young women this sense of personal safety and familiarity was unavailable during their childhood. As we age, this opportunity becomes less available to us; yet older women may convey intelligence, aptitude and good judgement into the lives of younger women.

Research indicates many young girls have experienced emotional isolation from their mother. Some girls have never felt a mother’s love or never met their grandmother. Without powerful modelling, storytelling, knowledge and life experience — the skills generously passed down from older women through each generation — a young woman’s ability to problem solve and build a competent sense of self is vastly diminished.

Throughout my years of teaching, I noticed that some young girls exhibited a longing for closeness accompanied by an innate fear of bonding. Frequently, when young marginalised women felt confronted with interest from concerned people, they would instantly construct detachment. Rather than risk any further rejection, they skilfully chose vigorous behavioural actions, all designed to push people away. Tactics to maintain control, deliberately calculated to hurt and punish others, included spreading rumours, shouting insults and offering profound verbal abuse. Carefully chosen tactics could also target other young women and purposely exclude them from a specific social group. Media such as Facebook, Twitter etc. provide a platform for hurt girls to lash out, hurl insults or simply exclude by ‘de-friending’. Do any young women ever stop to question the ethics of such behaviour or express curiosity about any long term implication for the sufferers? It is sad to witness hurt people believing it is okay to hurt others.

Today, young girls often tend to take the initiative while interacting with young men. This approach tends to leave young men feeling confused, uncertain and even intimidated. High school teachers often share their dismay at how girls will use dominance and sexual seduction to gain power over young boys in order to meet their needs. Some girls enjoy this new-found ability to manipulate and control. Adolescent boys often speak of this “girl power” as invasive and aggressive. Many young men share that they feel uncomfortable, disrespected and lacking the ability to trust.

While feminism has done much to encourage equality, what about the girls who yearn for more guidance and leadership in their transition to womanhood? It is essential that girls learn to embrace resilience, gain emotional strength and feel supported and nurtured. Evidence reveals that girls appear to benefit greatly from the presence and caring of mature women. Similarly, many mature women find real comfort and interest in the lives of young girls. This extremely important alliance helps to overcome the social isolation that both generations often experience.  Each generation discovers much of their culture and background while sharing stories of their family history. Life stories uncover family losses, personal victories, future hopes and dreams for children.

Today’s society continually depicts a definitive idea of how young girls should look, behave and present. The billion-dollar beauty industries demand that women of all ages appear and remain young throughout their life. Our culture promotes self-confidence in young women by endorsing and glamorising sexual images, pop culture, stereotypes and contemporary fashionable approaches. Some mothers do knowingly compete with their daughters for all matter of things (makeup, clothes, perfume, jobs, friends and even boyfriends). Young women with less opportunity for guidance may learn to idealise media stars, music divas or film stars. Many girls believe that a pretty face and great body are the only requirements for success. They fail to appreciate or understand the huge amount of work, life trade-offs, patience, study, skill, rejection and failure that sit behind their aspirational image.

Young women who have had little opportunity to map out a secure career goal or direction can easily be lured into the Government baby bonus incentive. In some circles, younger women openly share that the baby plan entitlement is a way of keeping themselves busy in a job at home, while making some money. Many have no means of understanding the cost / benefit of this particular outcome. Countless young women have no help to examine the pros and cons of tough decision making, therefore little thought is given to investigating possible long term consequences of raising a child as a single mum.

Research identifies how more and more girls are attracted to the notion of joining some type of gang. This practice appears to be gaining momentum and indicates that girls, like boys, search for structure, rules and a deep sense of belonging. Yet many gangs will openly endorse violence; teach young women to become more physically aggressive, more self -entitled and more demanding.

There is no doubt that women bring hope, joy and education to other women’s lives. Older women help young women to find their way in the world with their life education and positive support. The willing presence of mature people in a young woman’s life will help to inspire and guide. Girls long for for a stable, honest and reliable relationship where they can share thoughts and discover a scared place to download their true feelings in complete safety. They also feel safe in hearing about women’s rules, manners and roles, what is appropriate and what is not.

 

Here are some suggestions for interacting with young women.

  • Be clear about your relationship; speak of the importance of boundaries and why we need them.
  • Show that you are a real, caring and genuine person.
  • Work at developing trust — some young women have experienced serious emotional pain in their past. Trust takes time.
  • Walk your talk, don’t ask for something you would not be willing to do yourself.
  • Learn to ask great questions, use silence and patience. You will learn more if you do this.
  • Speak with honesty and ask for honesty in return.
  • Be patient, change takes time.
  • Don’t give up, despite all and every invitation to do so.

 

If you know of a young woman who may have lost her way, speak to a therapist and help her to find her way back …towards her peaceful heart.