Healing a heartache – How is it possible to recover from a pain so bad, we think it will never end? Why isn’t it easy to wake up one morning and say “That is it, I am over this pain, I am free now and I am moving on?” No more pain, no more sad thoughts, no more guilt or self-blame.

Sometimes, we believe that the intense grief accompanying loss and a broken heart will never leave us. We believe that the heartache will remain for the rest of our life and nothing will ever be the same. As we love uniquely, we grieve uniquely.

While some people appear to move quietly through heartache and hurt, others find it incredibly hard to let go and are unable to shake their sadness. Music, song lyrics, poems, movies, artwork, sculptures, are some of the tireless reminders about this emotional topic. Each providing a tribute and acknowledging somebody’s broken heart.
Could there be a simple recipe we could all apply to our lives and turn sadness into joy? Most people work hard to move through heartache, yet with patience and support, they find ways to alleviate their heartache.

Current research proposes that numerous people unconsciously try to heal previous hurt or loss from their childhood or a sad past, with the hope of finding greater satisfaction and peace within new relationships. This idea suggests that much of our grief is unexplored and healing incomplete. When partial emotions are left to remain dormant, sensitive feelings can be easily triggered. This means the important value of learning or the opportunity for substantial personal growth gained from heartache can be lost.

It can be challenging for professional therapists to improvise a strategy for healing heartache. Within the very nature of personal grief lies shock, fear, uncertainty, challenging doubt and major insecurity. These emotions necessitate respect, understanding and exploration.

Healing your heartache can feel like you are constantly alone, even in a crowd. The emotional pain appears incessant and is accompanied by a sense of being constantly and severely overwhelmed. Often the people who care do not know what to say, what to do, or how to help you. Caring people will want to lend support but may feel unsure that their help would be welcome or appreciated.

We have all experienced the pain of heartache. Friends, peers, colleagues, people from all walks of life, have all been exposed to heartache in one form or another. Perhaps, reaching out for help may be easier than reaching out in many other situations. Everyone will respond with a degree of sympathy. Some people will respond with astonishing empathy.

While it is impossible to change your unhappiness or the extent of your emotional pain, reviewing what occurred and accepting there is no going back, helps us decide how we choose to respond. Recovering positive, meaningful memories from the sadness is often the first step to repairing a heartache.

Letting others know what approach is best for you is vital. Sharing your thoughts about how people may be helpful, will result in stronger relationships with friends or family. There will be good days and bad days within the healing process. Throughout the healing progression, you will learn most about yourself and discover how to gain more confidence, feel emotionally stronger and become more self-assured.

Exploring a variety of ways to self-care with a therapist will help to uncover your strengths, tap into your personal abilities, manage your recovery, build your resilience and assist you to recognise incredible growth, all associated with the enormous challenge you faced.

Strangely, loss and heartache do assist us to become a better person. A person who is willing to let go of the beliefs surrounding ‘things they could have done, thoughts of what ‘should or should not have happened, and what they did or did not do’. You will eventually find comfort in this extremely difficult time. With trust and support we become stronger, we face the world to say “I made it through and I feel great”.

There are many lessons that come with a heartbreak, embrace them. Letting go of guilt and sadness while sharing concerns and fears and replacing these thoughts with hope and gratitude, allow us to find and delight in…. “finding our peaceful heart”.

References.
Lewis, C.S, (1961) A Grief Observed. Faber and Faber Ltd: London.
Lynch, V. and P. (2001) Emotional Healing in minutes. Thorsons: London.