To prevent ourselves from becoming hurt, we often create behaviours to protect ourselves and a belief can be formed. However, rather than keep us safe, our beliefs often prevent us from growing and developing as a person. How many of us say we do not align ourselves with ‘self-sabotage’ yet find ways to support this condition so that it becomes almost comfortable while lingering in our lives?

If you are grappling with a certain aspect of your life or feel as though you are going around in circles, it may time to investigate the possibility of ‘self-sabotage’.  Whether you are caught in an unrewarding career, an unhappy relationship or trapped in the clutches of a familiar but disempowering habit,’ self-sabotage’ may have moved into your life, ensuring that things do not change.

This agreement or inadvertent personal pact allowing self-sabotage’ to move quietly into your life, may not be a conscious intention on your part. It may have manifested from an old pattern or thought which has expanded and is now ‘running the show’. Unhelpful and dysfunctional thoughts can limit our thinking, creativity and ability. Once a belief is embedded we create experiences to reinforce our commitment to that behaviour.  The belief you cannot do something will colour all your experiences. Continuing a particular or familiar behaviour, while consciously appreciating that it is detrimental, can damage self-esteem and help to erode a peaceful heart.

For example, consider overeating. You may commit to choosing food more carefully in order to get in shape and become healthier but also talk yourself into the notion that people who make radical changes in diet could become sick. Consequently, your efforts to attain your goal are self-sabotaged. Or you may commit to choosing a partner who accepts, supports and honours you as a person, yet tell yourself that every relationship will become exhausting and challenging. This action sabotages your intended goal of being respected and validated as an individual.

Some of our deeply engrained beliefs have been passed on by family, friends, culture or simply people whom we admire.  Yet while these beliefs may have been important through some stages of life, they may not ‘fit or belong’ in your life today. Many beliefs are intergenerational and come from experiences unrelated to the present. At times we do not think to question the validity of ‘passed on views’. Some people struggle with the challenge of letting a family tradition or habit die.

Convincing ourselves not to make changes with statements such as ‘There will always be a struggle when you love someone’ or ‘People would not like it if I changed’ and ‘It is better to say nothing than to speak the truth’ keep us safe and stuck.

Questioning our beliefs and exploring their origin, are ways in which adults can begin to position themselves in the world with a true identity and a strong sense of self. Standing up, speaking out and acting in ways that endorse personal values and principles, all help to sustain and nourish individual growth and emotional stability.

Breaking unhealthy patterns can be tough. A therapist provides a safe place for you while working through painful or sensitive issues and exposing the secret mannerisms of ‘self-sabotage’.  ‘Self-sabotage’ will always be interested in placing blocks along the road to positive change and selfhood. Perhaps the time has come to uncover exactly which negative thoughts or patterns are keeping you from ‘finding your peaceful heart’.

Cheers, Jill